Worry and Reward

We have been in the midst of lambing now for about 2 weeks. If you have seen any posts on our Facebook page you know that some of that has been fast and furious. What always overwhelms us at lambing time is the near constant possibility for disaster. By now it is a very conditioned response to years of worry and a select few near disasters and one or two actual disasters.

I am also a worrier by nature. Born and bred as they say. I was talking to my brother yesterday about a fairly difficult decision I had to make recently to not finish something I started. Eventually we found ourselves in a conversation about parenting, ways of interacting with ourselves, and our dad. Growing up there was always something looming in the distance where dad was concerned. Something I had to do, something I had to "fess-up" to, or some request I had to submit for scrutiny. Mostly it was about things I had to do as my chores or responsibility that were not yet done or were only done "half-ass". This is why, in my world, I simply am unable to not be fretting about something big or small, its hardwired.

So add that little personality bonus to the unpredictability and perilous by nature month of lambing here on the farm and you get quite a stretch of stress. Low level, in the background, dull moan in the distance kind of stress. It happens to be one of those stretches in a year, like making hay,  where you look around and wonder why you have chosen this particular little enterprise to devote yourself to. Whenever I ask myself that question it usually leads to some reassuring reflection and a reminder that reality and what I make of it are two different things.

The variables that exist when caring for livestock and working with a natural system like an animal or a pasture or a crop are many. The cares and concerns don't fit into a schedule or columns or even a "to do" list. They ebb and flow, live and die only with constant monitoring and assessment and "operator education". Its endless really, but thats only one side of things and the side that I try not to worry too much about.

Plus you get those moments when things are calm, and everything seems to be moving within the natural order of things.